Falling Down the Rabbit Hole

Alice in Wonderland in the Rabbit Hole

It feels like I've fallen down the rabbit hole.... I feel disoriented, alone, and often confused. What I thought I knew is not what I know now....

Since I already have a graduate degree in another discipline, I'm surprised at how disoriented I feel in the Master of Arts, Fashion program. I thought I knew a lot about fashion history but what I've discovered is that I know a lot less than I thought I did. Fashion theory seems to be deeply rooted in sociology theory but also encompasses a range of other disciplines from philosophy, history, visual culture and economics - which translates into a lot of reading! Besides that, as a mature student, the logistics of going to university are a lot different that it was the first time, especially since this time I have a family and an elderly mother to care for. Add to that a perfectionist streak and there are moments when I'm a little bit overwhelmed. More than once, I've asked myself "What have I done?"

I'm sure that in due course I'll get used to this different rhythm and figure out how to make time for friends, for my art practice, for blogging, for my life.... In the meantime, I've got reading to do!

Picture credit: http://www.victorianweb.org/art/illustration/tenniel/alice/2.2.html

Curiosity Killed the Cat

Alexander McQueen Red Trompe l'oeil Pencil Dress c2011

For the past two weeks, I've been walking around with my heart in my throat and my stomach in knots much of the time. There seems to be a real sense of urgency to chose a thesis topic as soon as possible and I'm having some trouble deciding on just one area of research. The problem is that I am a naturally curious person. I read one thing and right away light bulbs go off in my head with questions and related ideas. Plus I am easily able to converse in a multitude of areas related to fashion - from business to sociological issues, from the history of fashion to contemporary themes. How am I ever going to decide on just one thesis topic?

I started doing some preliminary research on a few random ideas I had and although they are all fascinating in their own way, I wonder whether there is enough there to sustain me through two years of research. As much as I adore libraries and looking at primary source material, I don't want to spend the next two years alone in a dusty archive somewhere pursuing a topic that no one could care less about. As shy as I can be at times, I'm actually good at doing interviews because of my innate curiosity and it makes sense to capitalize on that strength.

I'm leaning towards something that draws on both historical and contemporary references but I have yet to settle on a topic..... They say curiosity killed the cat. I hope I have nine lives, because I think I'm going to need all of them!

The photo I chose to accompany this post is of an Alexander McQueen dress that I admired while following a link from the online Victoria and Albert Museum journal. This glorious red dress captures the mood of what I wish I felt like at this moment - powerful, confident and sure. To see more of these fabulous dresses, visit the McQueen site here.

Why?

Another one of my retail therapy purchases from Anthropolgie (Pansy trench)

Why? This question has been asked of me so many times in the past few weeks, and especially so yesterday. Why would you go back to school to get a second masters degree if you already have a masters degree? And given that you have already established yourself as an artist and writer, what more could you want? Why indeed? This very question ran through my mind in the wee hours of the morning as my brain struggled to process what I will have to juggle over the next two years.

Why not? That's how I generally approach most interesting opportunities that come my way. Certainly that has led to some missteps along the way, but generally I've found my life to be richer for all the experiences I've had and all the people I've met.

But in this case, there was another factor involved. As my mother approaches the final stages of her life, I've watched her suffer as her world has shrunk. Robbed of her health and independence, she still sparkles with intelligence, but sadly she is haunted by regrets at opportunities not taken. Listening to her voice those regrets has deepened my resolve that life should be lived without regret.

The joy of doing scholarly research, with the painstaking attention to detail that it requires, is something that I rediscovered in working behind the scenes in the Costume and Textile department at the Royal Ontario Museum this past year. It challenged my brain in a way that I've missed in the last decade of my life. And it was a chance comment that I made to a professor about this research that led to this new opportunity to do the Master of Arts, Fashion at Ryerson University. I have so many unique research ideas that I'm certain I could write several theses.

As I walked into the classroom yesterday with my stomach in knots, I was relieved to discover that there are others who are changing their life's direction. With backgrounds in marketing, psychology, sociology, design, law, fine arts, English and finance, we are a wonderful jumble of talented folk. It seems that I'm not the only one who is choosing to live life without regrets.

What about you? What would you chose to do or be if you could do anything?

There is no looking back (Back view of Pansy Trench from Anthropologie)

What I Wore on the First Day of School

Culottes from Anthropologie

If you stepped into my closet, you'd see an array of black and beige, punctuated by orange, turquoise and fuschia pink.  This muted and conservative palette generally works for the multitude of roles that I juggle. But the Masters of Arts, Fashion program at Ryerson University seems to require a different look and I want to express myself in a different way. For once, I can just be me!

I love flowers. Their fragile beauty is a reminder of the transitory nature of life and the need to include joy, laughter and beauty in every day. In my recent retail therapy session at Anthropologie, I could not resist these Wind Garden Culottes from Elevenses. The old fashioned embroidery contrasts with the up to date cut. But more importantly, these shorts make me smile and I'll be wearing them for my first day of school today.  Wish me luck!!

The End of Summer

The End of Summer, Copyright of Ingrid Mida

It is the end of summer and as much as I enjoy the change of seasons, I am feeling a little wistful. The days are shorter, the mornings a little colder. For me, it is September that marks the beginning of a new year and I am ever so aware, this year, of time passing. My boys are growing up and spreading their wings. One has just settled into his university residence in Montreal and the other is contemplating university abroad a few years hence. Where did the time go?

I need to get myself in gear before the orientation for the masters of fashion program later this week and obviously, it is time for some retail therapy. Being a fashion student means that it is time to inject some colour and joie de vivre in my wardrobe.  I might be the oldest person in the class, but I have the same figure I had when I was 18 (maybe even better than I was 18!). I'm going back to school shopping for me!! Stay posted.

Hitting the Books....

Change... It is probably the only thing that is certain in life. Children grow up. Friends come and go. Careers morph. Loved ones die.

When I was younger, I thought I could plan my life. I remember making five year plans, ten year plans.... That seems laughable now, and over time, I've grown to embrace what life throws my way. Although there has been unspeakable heartbreak, I've also been incredibly blessed. And sometimes the thing that almost broke me turned into an opportunity for growth.  At this point, I rarely say no to an interesting proposition, even if it terrifies me....  and as a result, my life has taken me in totally unexpected directions.

When I began blogging about three years ago, I never would have imagined that I would get to the point where I could count curators and profs among my circle of friends. And now I've been given an opportunity to earn a place among them.... I was offered a spot in the Masters of Arts, Fashion program at Ryerson University in the fall. And even though some of these talented folk think that another masters degree is unnecessary, I am excited about this new chapter in my life. I once contemplated getting my Phd, but got sidetracked by my love of fancy frocks and a mortgage. But it's never too late to learn and apparently I'm not the only one. Alec Baldwin of 30 Rock is planning on pursuing a masters degree in politics at NYU and Richard Smith,  an 87 year old man in Florida  was recently awarded his Phd in history. If I live to 87, I will have had a long career in fashion!

All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another. 
                                                                            Anatole France